There come moments when you would want to give everything up - questioning everything that you once stood so determinedly for against everyone save for those few who supported and trusted you. Most of it is mainly because you have failed where everyone else has done so well and you are afraid to go further in case you take a fall so hard that even those who stood by you are effected. A small part of it is also because you don't know how to face the world, at this point. You know you are wrong, but you don't know where, and are at a loss at what to do but are afraid to voice it out to your well-wishers as you don't know what they'll think of you. There is also the part where you will have to deal with others' low opinion of you due to your failure which manifests itself in the way they treat you with thinly veiled contempt, looking down on you as if you are some poor untalented dullard and completely disregarding your attempts at socializing with them or at voicing out your opinions during discussions.
This seems like an ominous way to start a blog, but it was all that came to my mind when I sat down to write this post. I have a hell lot to study, and here I am, pouring my heart out. But it becomes impossible for me to focus on anything, no matter how important it is, when I am overburdened with emotions, and let's face it - less scores are an important point to ponder over.
I feel more like I'm writing a diary, but then I have no one to talk to, considering my current spot in the rank list of students who have cleared the exams is somewhere near the bottom rung. This has given me several sleepless nights as it will severely impact my chances at getting placed in a good firm, and I don't know how to deal with it and the fear that comes with it
There have been several instances in the past where I have been confronted with failures and most of the times I have managed to weather the storm successfully. This time too, I know I have it in me to deal with this, but the fact that I'm away from those who motivated me in the past to successfully deal with failures and that I have no one here to confide in and be my pillar of strength has hindered my attempts in dealing with this situation so much so that I'm still grappling with it. I know this sounds lame and I always used to look down at others who faced similar situations; but having now experienced this first-hand - I truly empathize with them.
Anyway, enough with the rant. I'm off to study and to get back what I have lost - my grades, my peace of mind and the path to my goal.
This seems like an ominous way to start a blog, but it was all that came to my mind when I sat down to write this post. I have a hell lot to study, and here I am, pouring my heart out. But it becomes impossible for me to focus on anything, no matter how important it is, when I am overburdened with emotions, and let's face it - less scores are an important point to ponder over.
I feel more like I'm writing a diary, but then I have no one to talk to, considering my current spot in the rank list of students who have cleared the exams is somewhere near the bottom rung. This has given me several sleepless nights as it will severely impact my chances at getting placed in a good firm, and I don't know how to deal with it and the fear that comes with it
There have been several instances in the past where I have been confronted with failures and most of the times I have managed to weather the storm successfully. This time too, I know I have it in me to deal with this, but the fact that I'm away from those who motivated me in the past to successfully deal with failures and that I have no one here to confide in and be my pillar of strength has hindered my attempts in dealing with this situation so much so that I'm still grappling with it. I know this sounds lame and I always used to look down at others who faced similar situations; but having now experienced this first-hand - I truly empathize with them.
Anyway, enough with the rant. I'm off to study and to get back what I have lost - my grades, my peace of mind and the path to my goal.
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